Stress

  • Anxiety, Midwifery, Panic attack, patriarchy, Self confidence, Self esteem, Stress

    The REAL reason I left NHS Midwifery

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    Autumn 2020…I was running a busy NHS antenatal clinic day. I was behind and feeling the pressure to catch up and it wasn’t even lunch time yet.  30 minutes to ensure the wellbeing of mum and baby (blood pressure, urinalysis, fundal height measurement etc) as well as discussing fetal movements, birth preferences, infant feeding, mental health, covid anxieties, domestic abuse, safeguarding….with the number of appointments being reduced due to covid restrictions and new guidelines and procedures I felt like I had so much to cram into such a short space of time (and I know some midwives are only allowed 15 minute appointment with their clients!?!) What if I missed something important? What if I didn’t tell them what they needed to know to help them prepare for this powerful and transformative experience of growing their family? 

    Most days I felt like I was on a covert operation working under the radar.  Borrowing 5 minutes here to give an extra 5 minutes there, sharing my knowledge and experiences of REAL midwifery and childbearing. About the power of the human body. About the sacred and transformative rite of passage into parenthood. I loved it, I really did but it felt like a lot of pressure. I was desperate not to slip into just covering the basics to be safe and professional, as I knew I had so much more to offer than that and that those in my care deserved more, they ASKED me for more, but I was done sacrificing myself to try and give more in a system that didn’t encourage or promote it.  I thought “how does everyone else manage to do it?” Then I had a massive realisation. They’re NOT doing it. 

    There are so many midwives in self preservation mode right now and its crippling them. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. They are suffering with compassion fatigue, conflicts around having their core values being compromised time and time again, anxiety, stress and burnout. This is not just the midwives working on the ground but those in middle and senior management too. Everyone is struggling in their own way but the root cause is the same. 

    They are having to deal with ongoing chronic short and unsafe staffing level, longer busier shifts, poor work/life balance, increasing complexity of care and processes, bullying,  poor support…the list goes on and on…..

    None of us came into this profession to work like this. 

    So many phenomenal midwives leave the NHS daily as they are not met with the compassion, level of autonomy or flexibility they need to thrive.  They have to get out even though it breaks their heart. And those who stay? Well, some get worn down over time, feeling defeated. They become just another cog in the machine, taking home their salary and counting down the days until retirement. 

    Some look around them and conclude that everyone else can manage, so it must be something innately wrong with them. That they don’t have what it takes to be the midwife that they know they are inside (which made them answer the sacred calling of midwifery in the first place). This eats away at their self esteem and confidence, increases their need for external validation and drives fear of failure and rejection and leaves them feeling stuck and powerless. They stay but are waiting for their breaking point. 

    Then there are some who have a gut feeling they can help themselves and things can be better but maybe just don’t know HOW. 

    They are done with having their voices muted. 

    They are done with playing small. 

    They are done with diluting themselves to please everyone else. 

    They are done with being at the bottom of the priority pile.

    They are ready to discover and bring in change. 

    Now to do this takes time, it’s not a quick fix. It take’s courage and vulnerability. It means having boundaries and holding yourself and others accountable to them. It means being a leader by example and being prepared to ruffle some feathers. It means holding up a mirror to yourself and being prepared to go deep or go home and keep on fighting. 

    I know so many wonderful birth workers who have already answered this call to arms but it will take more of us. Some are doing in under the radar like I was and more and more of us are doing it loud and proud. KNOWING that things cant go on as they are. 

    The real reason I left a contracted post in NHS midwifery was because I knew I had a vision of how things could be and I wanted to have the time and personal freedom to share it with others for the benefit of all.  

    I was done with hearing about and feeling the fear and frustration of other midwives. I wanted to help them see WHY they had those thoughts, emotions and feelings and how they could channel it to help them to realise THEIR truth and help them to own it. 

    I wanted them to rediscover their inner power and their potential. That they could step back into the leading role in their own life story and that it wasn’t too late to start a new chapter. 

    It’s not that you’re not good enough my lovely. It’s that you’re a round peg being forced into a square hole and I say enough is enough.  

    What do you think?

    If you’re already in a leadership position in maternity services and what I’ve said resonates with you, then why not get in touch to see how we can support your team together through my 1 day group workshop? Click here to find out more.  

     

  • Anxiety, Midwifery, Reflective practice, Registration, Self confidence, Self esteem, Social anxiety, Stress

    Self reflections and new directions

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    I recently received my annual email from the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) inviting me to pay to retain my name on the midwifery register for a further 12 months (to practice as a midwife in the UK you have to pay an annual membership fee to the NMC and revalidate every 3 years to show your competence and ongoing professional development). I know when the yearly email or letter lands so many thoughts start to emerge… “Why should I have to pay to be a midwife?”, “What do I actually get for my money?”, “Do I even want to remain on the register?”, ‘Am I good enough to be a midwife?”, “Am I good enough to do anything else?” , “I feel trapped and powerless”.  These thought’s often lead to anger, frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and self doubt and in turn an influx of issues such as nausea, fatigue, headaches, poor appetite, insomnia, skin issues, menstrual issues, reflux and more! The last 18 months have been such a challenge for midwives all over the world and with September just a few weeks away (the start of a usually very busy time for maternity services), having to pay financially, emotionally and physically to stay part of an already exhausted and struggling workforce can seem like an insult. 

    Personally I’ve been taking an intentional break over the past few weeks to reflect and recharge after what has been a whirlwind year for me. I recognised I needed to practice what I preached – taking personal responsibility to look after myself – so I could prepare for continuing supporting the midwives who want that much deserved second chance to enjoy their career without sacrificing so much of themselves, but are struggling to see how. 

    It’s been 2 years since I trained as a 3 step rewind practitioner, the intimate training weekend with 2 phenomenal doulas and the fabulous Midwife Mark Harris which catapulted me head first into my own healing journey but looking back I wouldn’t have had it any other way! 12 months later I launched the Midwife Sparkle Method to help anxious and overwhelmed midwives to reclaim their sparkle through my 8 week 1:1 positive mindset and self empowerment coaching programme.  I’ve worked with dozens and dozens of students and qualified midwives from all over the world and it’s been the most tremendous journey so far but I know this is just the beginning…

    As I look towards the next 12 months and beyond I am looking forward to helping so many more courageous and heart centred midwives to own their power, speak their truth and take up space. To recognise their unique talents and gifts and own their successes and achievements. To find the confidence to sparkle in their own way and be the trail blazers to help start to shift the patriarchal and systemic toxic bullying culture. Putting self empowerment and encouragement of true individuality back at the heart of midwifery where they belong. 

    Are you in? I’ve just opened my diary for new clients to start with me 1:1 in September. Book a chat with me today!  

     

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  • Birth trauma, Forum theatre, Imposter syndrome, Perfectionism, Procrastination, PTSD, Reflective practice, Social anxiety, Stress

    This is the Reality and it starts now!

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    As you may know if you’ve been following me for a while I had a traumatic birth in 2017. This impacted me massively on a personal level but what a lot of people don’t know is how it impacted me on a professional level too. 

    I had been a qualified midwife for 3 years and had fully prepared for birth and motherhood (or so I thought) but what I had not prepared for was my return to work. I went back part time when Harrison was 10 months old. I returned to the community role I was doing before, so it was familiar and that was nice. What was not nice were the reminders of my experience almost EVERY DAY. 

    I imagine it’s similar to being a chef for a living…the last thing you want to do is cook when you get home in the evening. I had given birth at the hospital trust I worked for and I was caring for pregnant and new mums who were vulnerable and struggling with similar issues to me. I told myself it was normal and that the sleep depravation probably wasn’t helping. My instinct was to avoid all reminders of what happened to me but I couldn’t. I remember actually having a panic attack in the toilet on the labour ward the first time I had to go back there to collect something. I also remember visiting a new mum and listening to her talk about her birth experience and in that moment just wanting to sit and sob with her. I don’t know how I kept it together. 

    These expectant and new mums were looking to me to care for them and their baby, give them information and share my knowledge and ultimately reassure them that everything was going to be ok. Outwardly I was talking the talk and walking the walk (my background in performing arts served me well here!) but inwardly I was anxious and could not get away from the things which were triggering me the most. I felt like a fraud. 

    The reason I share this with you is because it highlights just how hard it can be to do a job like being a midwife, dealing with emotionally charged situations every day when there are personal things that you are still dealing with or underlying emotional health factors such as anxiety. It look me 18 months to realise that these feelings weren’t going away and to start to look at ways to help myself. My family and the women I cared for deserved better and I deserved better. 

    You see I have been on both sides of the same coin – the new mother trying to keep it all together and not show how much she is crumbling and the midwife trying to keep it all together and not show how much she is crumbling. 

    Pregnant and new mothers need support but so too do the midwives and birth workers. We care so deeply for others but who cares for us? 

    When things are constantly changing, our workload increasing in volume and complexity, trying our best but never feeling like it’s good enough, the mounting pressure over fear of missing something or making a mistake and even worse what people will think of us when it all comes crashing down and we burn out…. the guilt, the shame. 

    Never before has our passion, our calling put us under this amount of pressure. Midwives are leaving the profession at an unprecedented rate. We are in the middle of an epidemic, but the babies still keep coming. We keep showing up the best we can and giving so much of ourselves, even though we are struggling with our own emotions . Even though we feel we may be putting ourselves and our loved ones at risk by doing so. 

    If I was returning to work now after maternity leave in the hypervigilant and highly emotional state I was in back then, then I would have floundered. It’s taken me almost 3 years but I now have more clarity than ever before in how I want to help others to overcome similar challenges.

    My support for pregnant and new mammas will always continue as I am a midwife by nature as well as by name…but I also want to help the extraordinary people who serve our communities to not lose sight of the reason they came into the job in the first place and to rediscover that they can be the midwife they want and deserve to be. 

    Imagine…..

    … jumping out of bed in a morning with a spring in your step and the sparkle back in your eyes

    …having the confidence to stand up and pitch your amazing ideas, instigate and lead change

    …being an inspiration and a role model for your peers, students and the women you serve

    …replenising your motivation and resilience to overcome whatever your day brings EVRY DAY 

    … knowing that your effort and persistence is paying off and that self-assurance is guaranteed

    …closing your eyes at night and feeling secure, grounded and peaceful

    And finally…to know that if you do decide to leave your job or the profession altogether…it is a decision based on confidence rather than fear. 

    Think of the sense of relief and the lightness you would feel if you weren’t just showing up for those you cared for, but were showing up for yourself to be the very best that you can be.

    You didn’t come this far to only come this far. 

    Just take a moment to imagine what the midwifery workforce would look like if every member of every maternity team had this mindset. Think of the way we could transform our services and the lives of those we care about – personally and professionally.

    This is not a pipe dream. This can be a reality and it starts with you.

    Are you ready to take the first step?