Self confidence

  • Anxiety, Midwifery, Panic attack, patriarchy, Self confidence, Self esteem, Stress

    The REAL reason I left NHS Midwifery

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    Autumn 2020…I was running a busy NHS antenatal clinic day. I was behind and feeling the pressure to catch up and it wasn’t even lunch time yet.  30 minutes to ensure the wellbeing of mum and baby (blood pressure, urinalysis, fundal height measurement etc) as well as discussing fetal movements, birth preferences, infant feeding, mental health, covid anxieties, domestic abuse, safeguarding….with the number of appointments being reduced due to covid restrictions and new guidelines and procedures I felt like I had so much to cram into such a short space of time (and I know some midwives are only allowed 15 minute appointment with their clients!?!) What if I missed something important? What if I didn’t tell them what they needed to know to help them prepare for this powerful and transformative experience of growing their family? 

    Most days I felt like I was on a covert operation working under the radar.  Borrowing 5 minutes here to give an extra 5 minutes there, sharing my knowledge and experiences of REAL midwifery and childbearing. About the power of the human body. About the sacred and transformative rite of passage into parenthood. I loved it, I really did but it felt like a lot of pressure. I was desperate not to slip into just covering the basics to be safe and professional, as I knew I had so much more to offer than that and that those in my care deserved more, they ASKED me for more, but I was done sacrificing myself to try and give more in a system that didn’t encourage or promote it.  I thought “how does everyone else manage to do it?” Then I had a massive realisation. They’re NOT doing it. 

    There are so many midwives in self preservation mode right now and its crippling them. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. They are suffering with compassion fatigue, conflicts around having their core values being compromised time and time again, anxiety, stress and burnout. This is not just the midwives working on the ground but those in middle and senior management too. Everyone is struggling in their own way but the root cause is the same. 

    They are having to deal with ongoing chronic short and unsafe staffing level, longer busier shifts, poor work/life balance, increasing complexity of care and processes, bullying,  poor support…the list goes on and on…..

    None of us came into this profession to work like this. 

    So many phenomenal midwives leave the NHS daily as they are not met with the compassion, level of autonomy or flexibility they need to thrive.  They have to get out even though it breaks their heart. And those who stay? Well, some get worn down over time, feeling defeated. They become just another cog in the machine, taking home their salary and counting down the days until retirement. 

    Some look around them and conclude that everyone else can manage, so it must be something innately wrong with them. That they don’t have what it takes to be the midwife that they know they are inside (which made them answer the sacred calling of midwifery in the first place). This eats away at their self esteem and confidence, increases their need for external validation and drives fear of failure and rejection and leaves them feeling stuck and powerless. They stay but are waiting for their breaking point. 

    Then there are some who have a gut feeling they can help themselves and things can be better but maybe just don’t know HOW. 

    They are done with having their voices muted. 

    They are done with playing small. 

    They are done with diluting themselves to please everyone else. 

    They are done with being at the bottom of the priority pile.

    They are ready to discover and bring in change. 

    Now to do this takes time, it’s not a quick fix. It take’s courage and vulnerability. It means having boundaries and holding yourself and others accountable to them. It means being a leader by example and being prepared to ruffle some feathers. It means holding up a mirror to yourself and being prepared to go deep or go home and keep on fighting. 

    I know so many wonderful birth workers who have already answered this call to arms but it will take more of us. Some are doing in under the radar like I was and more and more of us are doing it loud and proud. KNOWING that things cant go on as they are. 

    The real reason I left a contracted post in NHS midwifery was because I knew I had a vision of how things could be and I wanted to have the time and personal freedom to share it with others for the benefit of all.  

    I was done with hearing about and feeling the fear and frustration of other midwives. I wanted to help them see WHY they had those thoughts, emotions and feelings and how they could channel it to help them to realise THEIR truth and help them to own it. 

    I wanted them to rediscover their inner power and their potential. That they could step back into the leading role in their own life story and that it wasn’t too late to start a new chapter. 

    It’s not that you’re not good enough my lovely. It’s that you’re a round peg being forced into a square hole and I say enough is enough.  

    What do you think?

    If you’re already in a leadership position in maternity services and what I’ve said resonates with you, then why not get in touch to see how we can support your team together through my 1 day group workshop? Click here to find out more.  

     

  • Anxiety, Midwifery, Reflective practice, Registration, Self confidence, Self esteem, Social anxiety, Stress

    Self reflections and new directions

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    I recently received my annual email from the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) inviting me to pay to retain my name on the midwifery register for a further 12 months (to practice as a midwife in the UK you have to pay an annual membership fee to the NMC and revalidate every 3 years to show your competence and ongoing professional development). I know when the yearly email or letter lands so many thoughts start to emerge… “Why should I have to pay to be a midwife?”, “What do I actually get for my money?”, “Do I even want to remain on the register?”, ‘Am I good enough to be a midwife?”, “Am I good enough to do anything else?” , “I feel trapped and powerless”.  These thought’s often lead to anger, frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and self doubt and in turn an influx of issues such as nausea, fatigue, headaches, poor appetite, insomnia, skin issues, menstrual issues, reflux and more! The last 18 months have been such a challenge for midwives all over the world and with September just a few weeks away (the start of a usually very busy time for maternity services), having to pay financially, emotionally and physically to stay part of an already exhausted and struggling workforce can seem like an insult. 

    Personally I’ve been taking an intentional break over the past few weeks to reflect and recharge after what has been a whirlwind year for me. I recognised I needed to practice what I preached – taking personal responsibility to look after myself – so I could prepare for continuing supporting the midwives who want that much deserved second chance to enjoy their career without sacrificing so much of themselves, but are struggling to see how. 

    It’s been 2 years since I trained as a 3 step rewind practitioner, the intimate training weekend with 2 phenomenal doulas and the fabulous Midwife Mark Harris which catapulted me head first into my own healing journey but looking back I wouldn’t have had it any other way! 12 months later I launched the Midwife Sparkle Method to help anxious and overwhelmed midwives to reclaim their sparkle through my 8 week 1:1 positive mindset and self empowerment coaching programme.  I’ve worked with dozens and dozens of students and qualified midwives from all over the world and it’s been the most tremendous journey so far but I know this is just the beginning…

    As I look towards the next 12 months and beyond I am looking forward to helping so many more courageous and heart centred midwives to own their power, speak their truth and take up space. To recognise their unique talents and gifts and own their successes and achievements. To find the confidence to sparkle in their own way and be the trail blazers to help start to shift the patriarchal and systemic toxic bullying culture. Putting self empowerment and encouragement of true individuality back at the heart of midwifery where they belong. 

    Are you in? I’ve just opened my diary for new clients to start with me 1:1 in September. Book a chat with me today!  

     

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  • Anxiety, Panic attack, Perfectionism, Self confidence, Self esteem

    Self Confidence and self esteem – what’s the difference and why does it matter?

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    Have you ever considered the difference between self confidence and self esteem? Take a moment to reflect on it now. Many people use the terms interchangeably but I believe not knowing this difference is keeping us from making progress in our career and life in general.  

     

    Confidence is about trusting our innate qualities like intelligence, talents and physical beauty. It’s our belief that we can evaluate and deal with things and handle our abilities in a self assured way.  It’s the side of you that you show to the outside world, even if it’s a mask you’re wearing as you’re actually pretty terrified. You can fake confidence and often people won’t be able to tell.

     

    Self esteem however is different. Esteem is the lens through which we view ourselves, our self image if you like. It’s the value you place on yourself as a person and your recognition of your skills, qualities and achievements and acceptance of your flaws and weaknesses.  We need to be able to value ourselves and in turn allow others to value us too. 

    You are inside your head 24/7. You can’t fake high self esteem as it’s at the very core of you and sets the tone for your whole life. If your self esteem is low is has a negative impact on everything, puts limits on your hopes and dreams and makes your head a very miserable place to be.

     

    People with low self esteem often struggle with self doubt, anxiety, poor personal boundaries, lack of self worth and negative self talk. 

    We all need self esteem to function but often we maintain it at this low level by constantly telling ourselves how rubbish and incapable we are. We then feel bad about ourselves and often seek external validation and praise from others that we’re good enough or doing a good job.  

    The more we don’t feel good enough the more we tell ourselves that we’re not good enough. 

     

    To ensure you are able to build and maintain your self esteem at a healthy level you need to look inside yourself rather than outside. 

    Think of your self esteem like a mobile phone battery. It’s much easier to take the charger wherever you go so you know you’ll be able to keep it functioning than to just keep our fingers crossed that the battery lasts or that a friend or colleague will have one they are prepared to lend you.

     

    A wonderful consequence of high self esteem is our self confidence improves, our fear of judgement and criticism reduces and we feel more resilient and in control of our lives. 

     

    3 quick tips to help you boost your self esteem everyday: 

    • Think of 5 things that you are proud of about yourself and really let yourself feel it

    • Challenge any negative self talk 

    • Focus on the effort you are putting in rather than the end result

     

     

    During my 8 week 1:1 Midwife Sparkle Method Programme I help you understand about what motivates you, how low self esteem is formed and maintained and how to improve it to ensure it is ever replenishing! I show you how to keep your battery full of charge and how to show others how to keep theirs charged up too.