Midwifery

  • What is the sister wound and why we need to heal it in midwifery.

    Midwifery at it’s core is about relationships. Deep heart felt connections with others (often woman to woman but not exclusively).  Supporting, caring, holding space, witnessing and being a companion and guide throughout the unfolding perinatal period. To meet those taking that journey where they are at and helping them to navigate it with kindness and compassion. To also stand along side others called to this sacred work and be able to extent that same support, compassion and safe space holding to our colleagues and peers. 

    When I was called to midwifery THIS is what drew me in and I know many of you will be able to relate to this.  Unfortunately so many of us feel deeply unsatisfied with midwifery at the moment for lots of different reasons but what I’d like to share is my understanding of one element that is playing out and how we can recognise it and challenge it to move forward. 

    From the beginning of time, women have instinctively ran in packs. Creating informal support groups, to laugh, cry, cook, care for each other during birth and with raising their families, grieve, rejoice, and commune and this can be seen across all cultures. 

    Then patriarchy and the burning times happened and a woman had two choices — submit to the ways of the “new” world and betray her sisters OR become an “outcast” and risk harm or even death. This divide between women was precisely the point for patriarchy. The more divided women became, the less power they had together…and believe me we are POWERFUL- they knew this and it scared them.  So then if we are busy fighting amongst ourselves and turning on each other then we are not fighting against the patriarchy and challenging their agenda.

    The Sister Wound is the manifestation of women living in a patriarchal society who have had to use unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive. Unfortunately so many midwives are practising a very matriarchal art (midwifery) through the framework of a very patriarchal system which leaves so many of us feeling conflicted, frustrated and unfulfilled. It’s not natural and we feel it.

    Have you ever been hurt by another woman? Felt betrayed and rejected? Have you ever had side-eye and catty cackles directed at you by a group of other woman? Have you ever been side lined, belittled, competed with and not supported by other women? 

    That’s the sister wound playing out!

    It also shows up like lack of trust, insecurity and feeling anxious and unsafe amongst other women, particularly in groups. Feeling jealous or like you just can’t compete with the ‘shine’ of other women are also common. 

    Midwives turn on each other, on the students, on other colleagues and even on the women they are caring for sometimes, all out of fear and self preservation and this is the sister wound being activated time and time again.

    So that essence of fulfilling midwifery practice and that true feeling of connected sisterhood is lost. We don’t feel safe showing up as our true self. We hide away, play small and our roar becomes a whisper. Our power stays lost.

    It’s not our fault that we have ended up here but we are all responsible for what happens from here on in. To start to turn the tide we need to first be honest with ourselves and challenge the sister wound and how it shows up for us.

    Helping midwives and student midwives to be honest with themselves about some of the subconscious patterns they have been stuck in is a fundamental part of the work that I do as an emotional health coach. Helping them to challenge their beliefs and ways of thinking and behaving to be able able to show up authentically with healthy self expression without fear of judgement or rejection for who they really are. 

    I’ll be talking more about healing the sister wound and strategies for this in another blog as it’s a huge topic. I may create a workshop if people want to learn more about it…so watch this space!

    How have you seen the sister wound playing out in midwifery or even in yourself?

  • The REAL reason I left NHS Midwifery

    Autumn 2020…I was running a busy NHS antenatal clinic day. I was behind and feeling the pressure to catch up and it wasn’t even lunch time yet.  30 minutes to ensure the wellbeing of mum and baby (blood pressure, urinalysis, fundal height measurement etc) as well as discussing fetal movements, birth preferences, infant feeding, mental health, covid anxieties, domestic abuse, safeguarding….with the number of appointments being reduced due to covid restrictions and new guidelines and procedures I felt like I had so much to cram into such a short space of time (and I know some midwives are only allowed 15 minute appointment with their clients!?!) What if I missed something important? What if I didn’t tell them what they needed to know to help them prepare for this powerful and transformative experience of growing their family? 

    Most days I felt like I was on a covert operation working under the radar.  Borrowing 5 minutes here to give an extra 5 minutes there, sharing my knowledge and experiences of REAL midwifery and childbearing. About the power of the human body. About the sacred and transformative rite of passage into parenthood. I loved it, I really did but it felt like a lot of pressure. I was desperate not to slip into just covering the basics to be safe and professional, as I knew I had so much more to offer than that and that those in my care deserved more, they ASKED me for more, but I was done sacrificing myself to try and give more in a system that didn’t encourage or promote it.  I thought “how does everyone else manage to do it?” Then I had a massive realisation. They’re NOT doing it. 

    There are so many midwives in self preservation mode right now and its crippling them. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. They are suffering with compassion fatigue, conflicts around having their core values being compromised time and time again, anxiety, stress and burnout. This is not just the midwives working on the ground but those in middle and senior management too. Everyone is struggling in their own way but the root cause is the same. 

    They are having to deal with ongoing chronic short and unsafe staffing level, longer busier shifts, poor work/life balance, increasing complexity of care and processes, bullying,  poor support…the list goes on and on…..

    None of us came into this profession to work like this. 

    So many phenomenal midwives leave the NHS daily as they are not met with the compassion, level of autonomy or flexibility they need to thrive.  They have to get out even though it breaks their heart. And those who stay? Well, some get worn down over time, feeling defeated. They become just another cog in the machine, taking home their salary and counting down the days until retirement. 

    Some look around them and conclude that everyone else can manage, so it must be something innately wrong with them. That they don’t have what it takes to be the midwife that they know they are inside (which made them answer the sacred calling of midwifery in the first place). This eats away at their self esteem and confidence, increases their need for external validation and drives fear of failure and rejection and leaves them feeling stuck and powerless. They stay but are waiting for their breaking point. 

    Then there are some who have a gut feeling they can help themselves and things can be better but maybe just don’t know HOW. 

    They are done with having their voices muted. 

    They are done with playing small. 

    They are done with diluting themselves to please everyone else. 

    They are done with being at the bottom of the priority pile.

    They are ready to discover and bring in change. 

    Now to do this takes time, it’s not a quick fix. It take’s courage and vulnerability. It means having boundaries and holding yourself and others accountable to them. It means being a leader by example and being prepared to ruffle some feathers. It means holding up a mirror to yourself and being prepared to go deep or go home and keep on fighting. 

    I know so many wonderful birth workers who have already answered this call to arms but it will take more of us. Some are doing in under the radar like I was and more and more of us are doing it loud and proud. KNOWING that things cant go on as they are. 

    The real reason I left a contracted post in NHS midwifery was because I knew I had a vision of how things could be and I wanted to have the time and personal freedom to share it with others for the benefit of all.  

    I was done with hearing about and feeling the fear and frustration of other midwives. I wanted to help them see WHY they had those thoughts, emotions and feelings and how they could channel it to help them to realise THEIR truth and help them to own it. 

    I wanted them to rediscover their inner power and their potential. That they could step back into the leading role in their own life story and that it wasn’t too late to start a new chapter. 

    It’s not that you’re not good enough my lovely. It’s that you’re a round peg being forced into a square hole and I say enough is enough.  

    What do you think?

    If you’re already in a leadership position in maternity services and what I’ve said resonates with you, then why not get in touch to see how we can support your team together through my 1 day group workshop? Click here to find out more.  

     

  • Self reflections and new directions

    I recently received my annual email from the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) inviting me to pay to retain my name on the midwifery register for a further 12 months (to practice as a midwife in the UK you have to pay an annual membership fee to the NMC and revalidate every 3 years to show your competence and ongoing professional development). I know when the yearly email or letter lands so many thoughts start to emerge… “Why should I have to pay to be a midwife?”, “What do I actually get for my money?”, “Do I even want to remain on the register?”, ‘Am I good enough to be a midwife?”, “Am I good enough to do anything else?” , “I feel trapped and powerless”.  These thought’s often lead to anger, frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and self doubt and in turn an influx of issues such as nausea, fatigue, headaches, poor appetite, insomnia, skin issues, menstrual issues, reflux and more! The last 18 months have been such a challenge for midwives all over the world and with September just a few weeks away (the start of a usually very busy time for maternity services), having to pay financially, emotionally and physically to stay part of an already exhausted and struggling workforce can seem like an insult. 

    Personally I’ve been taking an intentional break over the past few weeks to reflect and recharge after what has been a whirlwind year for me. I recognised I needed to practice what I preached – taking personal responsibility to look after myself – so I could prepare for continuing supporting the midwives who want that much deserved second chance to enjoy their career without sacrificing so much of themselves, but are struggling to see how. 

    It’s been 2 years since I trained as a 3 step rewind practitioner, the intimate training weekend with 2 phenomenal doulas and the fabulous Midwife Mark Harris which catapulted me head first into my own healing journey but looking back I wouldn’t have had it any other way! 12 months later I launched the Midwife Sparkle Method to help anxious and overwhelmed midwives to reclaim their sparkle through my 8 week 1:1 positive mindset and self empowerment coaching programme.  I’ve worked with dozens and dozens of students and qualified midwives from all over the world and it’s been the most tremendous journey so far but I know this is just the beginning…

    As I look towards the next 12 months and beyond I am looking forward to helping so many more courageous and heart centred midwives to own their power, speak their truth and take up space. To recognise their unique talents and gifts and own their successes and achievements. To find the confidence to sparkle in their own way and be the trail blazers to help start to shift the patriarchal and systemic toxic bullying culture. Putting self empowerment and encouragement of true individuality back at the heart of midwifery where they belong. 

    Are you in? I’ve just opened my diary for new clients to start with me 1:1 in September. Book a chat with me today!  

     

  • What a performance! How the arts paved the way for me to midwifery and beyond…

    People often ask me what I did before becoming a Midwife. I can honestly say that I think I’ve always been a midwife. I feel its the type of job that’s coded into your DNA and it takes a certain event or a series of life events to ‘activate’ it. So much so that when I went for my interview at university I couldn’t put into words why she should offer me a place on the course, I just trusted my instinct that this was my calling. Thankfully she must have seen it too!

    But I did do other jobs before I was a midwife – office work, restaurant and bar work, customer service – anything which paid the bills. But if you’d have asked me when I was a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have probably said an actress or singer. I remember my early experiences of being on stage at age 6 or 7. I loved dressing up, acting out stories and singing. Drama (closely followed by music, english and foreign languages) was my favourite subject at school so it felt natural for me to take drama at GCSE at secondary school and then go on to study performing arts at college. I felt totally at ease in the spot light and continued to love the challenge of becoming different characters – putting myself in their shoes to try and give a realistic performance. I loved being part of the team and working together to put on the show -cast, costume, lighting. This was my happy place. 

    I used to say that preforming was my first love and midwifery was my second – but its likely that I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for those early experiences of being on the stage. Self confidence, discipline, team work and dedication have all served me well in my Midwifery career so far and of course as an Emotional Health Coach helping midwives to overcome anxiety, stress and overthinking, to name a few things, and I feel so lucky that I can combine my two passions through my involvement with Progress Theatre Midwives.

    I’ve been part of Progress Theatre Midwives since I was a second year midwifery student. I luckily found myself being mentored by one of the founding members of the company, Adele Stanley, and after chatting about our shared passion for the arts was offered an audition to join them- I was over the moon!

    So what is Progress Theatre? Our bio says…

    “We are a group of (mostly) midwives who have had experience of working with drama and theatre. 

    We use performance and theatre workshops to explore realistic and familiar situations from the world of midwifery. Our workshops are interactive, illuminating and enjoyable. Participants come away with a feeling that they have learnt something new about themselves and the context within which we work – and enjoyed themselves.

    We develop our material through devising from our own and others’ stories of the culture of maternity care. We perform a series of short scenes depicting every day dilemmas, and then invite the audience to debate and analyse what is going on. Observers also make suggestions about how things could be different – and participants are invited to demonstrate these by entering the ‘scene’ and acting them out. Using theatre in this way is based on the work of South American dramaturge Augusto Boal who wrote Theatre of the Oppressed.

    We have been working together since 1999 following an idea which originated from Professor Mavis Kirkham. 

    “The culture of maternity care in the NHS serves to empower neither midwives nor their clients. To change this culture midwives need to explore how they can change both their behaviour and that of others”. Our theatre aims to do that.”

    I’ve been involved in many shows and performances with Progress Theatre over the last 7 years, travelling all over the country and meeting amazing and inspiring people. This phenomenal group of women are my tribe. Their friendship is such a blessing. They encourage me, positively challenge me and support me – to be the best midwife I can be and to help inspire change in others. 

    I think the little girl standing on the stage would be happy to know that I’m continuing to fan the flames of a fire which she started, which I hope will continue to burn bright enough to light the way for others. 

    Interested in commissioning Progress Theatre Midwives to perform at your conference or local trust? Contact us here https://www.facebook.com/progressmidwives/